I would bury Red Sox legend, Johnny Pesky, underneath the visitor's dugout at the new Yankee Stadium.

I would purchase a hyperbaric chamber for Joba Chamberlain and have him pitch every day.

I would hire Isiah Thomas as batboy and place a clause in his contract stating that Zeke cannot speak to any of the players.

I would give grant money to cloning research in the pursuit of a Derek Jeter for the ages.

I would ask to hang out with Alex Rodriguez on road trips, especially when the team went to Toronto.

I would have Leslie Nielsen play my father in the George Steinbrenner biopic.

I would poison the water supply in New England.

I would poison my brother Hal.

I would challenge Theo Epstein to a Mixed Martial Arts match and force him to submit using a guillotine choke hold.

I would hire Jose Canseco as Strength & Conditioning coach.

I would bring back the Datsun pinstriped bullpen car and in support of Hal's scorched earth policy use a hybrid.

the ladies of Scores would be used as ballgirls.

I would hire Alyssa Milano as the team's physical therapist.

I would organize a Yankees Prom Night and refer to myself as the King of the Bronx.

Lime Green or is that a Split Pea Tux?

I would hire Hall of Famer Goose Gossage as Joba's Life Coach.

I would hire Jason Alexander to a personal services contract.