I'm typing this dressed in my compression shorts sans shirt, with a recently purchased Nutty Buddy protecting me from any low blow blogging posts. Paired with the compression shorts and cutting-edge Nutty Buddy, I have chosen to wear some sold school black stirrups. Of course, I never blog without eye black, which gives me an edge on anyone who wants to talk smack in my house. THIS IS MY HOUSE!

I'm a little amped up for tonight's Midsummer Classic in steamy St. Louis. I'm almost as amped as the hyperbolic Rick Sutcliffe at the end of Monday night's Celebrity Softball Game on ESPN, "Don't you think Ozzie Smith would love to turn one last double play in St. Louis?" Maybe those weren't Sutcliffe's exact words - I'm paraphrasing - but does Sutcliffe really believe The Wizard of Oz was pumped about turning a double play on Ashanti?

If you're a baseball fan, this is the summer's High Holy Day. No dog walking tonight, no home design/property virgins show on HGTV - tonight we worship at the altar of the hardball gods. I will not be diverted from my appointed rounds - it will be beer, brats and baseball. (Confession: I prefer an Italian sausage over a brat any day of the week, but brats worked better in the previous sentence.)

If I see a home design or property virgins show cross the television set tonight, I'm calling the Feds. Yeah, you heard me right. I'm calling the Feds and reporting my girlfriend for treasonous un-American behavior.

She thinks I look ridiculous walking around the house wearing my Nutty Buddy, but I'm ready for a comebacker to the keyboard. She should thank her lucky stars that I'm not wearing my batting helmet.

President Obama will toss out the ceremonial first pitch. Does he throw a four-seamer or a two-seamer? I hope MLB does not allow Minnesota Twins first baseman Justin Morneau to catch the first pitch? Morneau is a Canadian and we can't allow any of that in this country. Keep those Canadians north of the border unless one of them can hit like Morneau.

Devil Worshippin' Justin Morneau

How about Judge Sotomayor handling the President's toss? She may have a bad foot, but catchers don't need a lot of speed.

Apparently, Judge Sotomayor may have something going on in D.C. Would Senator Orrin Hatch please ask her if she is a Mets or Yankees fan? Who cares about abortion or the the right to bear arms - Yankees or Mets?